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A Child of Divorce

February 15, 2012

I grew up with my mother having sole custody of me but my dad and I were allowed to see each other as often as we wished.  I am happy that my mother and father split, they weren’t meant for one another and my life would have been a living nightmare if they had tried to stick it out for me.  I am also happy that I wasn’t a joint custody kid.  No offense to my dad, I just wouldn’t have faired well having to switch households every week and split my summer between the two parents.  All in all my parent’s divorce didn’t really affect me until my half siblings came along.

I love my sisters and brother.  They mean the world to me, especially now that my oldest sister calls me and shares her life with me, asks my advice, etc.  My second oldest sister doesn’t call much but she texts me and shares her life with me and I am grateful for their acceptance of me as their blood even though I am so much older than they are and I wasn’t around much for their childhood, even now I am still so far removed from their day to day life, but when we get together it’s as if I never left.  My youngest sister has yet to really open up to me. I know she loves me and I adore her but her life is so terribly different from mine and she’s got a boyfriend, and is trying to get into a good college.  I miss her and hope that one day she’ll find some time for her only sister, as she is the only daughter of my mother and step-father.  My other two sisters and one brother are from my dad and step-mother’s marriage.  My youngest sibling of all is my baby brother.  He is also working hard in school and has as much in common with me as I do with him, which is not much.  I love all of them though with all my heart and my parent’s divorce and eventual marriage to different people produced these wonderful siblings for me that have helped me grow and have hurt me deeply in that I could not and can not share more intimately in their lives.  I am all the way across the country and have been since I was 25.  I am now 41 with a son and husband of my own and it becomes harder to be away from the people I want my son to know.

I watched my parents grow up, my mom was 16 and dad was19 when I was born.  I have watched them marry their true loves and raise other children and I have learned from them.  My mom has been married for almost 30 years and my dad has been married for 25 or more I think.  They ended up showing me how you can make a marriage work and raise a family with love and commitment.  My husband is also a child of divorce and he and I waited to find the right person but I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t had these lessons to learn from.  My mom and dad’s marriage ended up not being a failure.  Sure it failed, but everyone ended up so much the wiser for it.  My mom always used to say to me “what you do affects other people.”  Everything we do in life affects someone else’s life, from the smallest gesture to the hardest crime.  I love my broken up crazy family.  I fit right in.  


3 Comments leave one →
  1. dewclaw permalink
    February 15, 2012 4:54 pm

    Good job, C.


  2. February 16, 2012 12:51 am

    I very much understand the sinking aspects. I have 7 half siblings with whom I have varying degrees of relationships. And having just yesterday divorced my husband of 18 years and gettingg sole custody of my children, your blog gives me hope. They are 12 and 14 with special needs but ate handling things much better than I am. They have already expressed their feelings that I did the right thing and reading your blog makes me understand they really can mean they are happy with my decision. Thank you for the insight. I am a child of divorce but there was nothing good about any situation surrounding my childhood.

  3. February 16, 2012 3:49 pm

    Thank you for commenting. Frankly, my early childhood was rough but things got better. I truly hope you can find comfort in knowing that there is life after divorce. Thank you for saying my blog gives you hope. That means the world to me. Take care!

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